Becoming Baba

Here I am with our niece... Although I
had planned to  be her "Ancle", she had
 different plans and lovingly refers
to me as Didis, or Didi. 
(Taken at 6 months pregnant)

So... when it came to names I wanted to be called by my child... I was at a loss.  For a long time, I thought I would be a Doodah... which was a made-up name that I am can't even remember the roots of (although, I do know we had a dog name Doodah and one point in my childhood, and I know for a fact that the dog and the name for parent I had chosen were unrelated in any way.)  We have two feisty Jack Russell mixes and when they are misbehaving/being annoying/needing fed, Amy still tells them to "Go see your Doodah...", So I imagine I will remain a Doodah to our two fur-kids for evermore....

But then, my friend Paisley, sent me this fascinating article about Baba's: 

Why Hart Doesn’t Have Two Mommies

And I was going to write about my self-discovery and how I had chosen to adopt this name, etc. etc. etc., until I went back a re-read the article and although, our circumstances are different I felt like the author did a great job of describing their rationale....  But here are some highlights if you don't get around to reading the hole article...

1.  I have never been interested in being a Mom, or Mommy, or Mama.  Those words just don't feel right to me.... And like the author states, being a "Dad or Papa" felt like to much of a "project".  Reclaiming the masculine form of parent, seems like a huge undertaking and not something I imagine being ready for, while trying to juggle diaper changes, sleep deprivation, and all the other things that come along with parenthood.  After a while, explaining to people why I had chose Dad would become "BECAUSE I SAID SO"... which does no good for anyone.

2.  Baba has roots in different languages around the world... some where it is a masculine term, and other's where it was feminine.  I love this, because I love trivia... and because I feel like there are roots there.  Its like the universe gave us this excellent word, and I intend to make good use of it!

3.   I don't want to be the only gender queer parent in the world...  Because I have done enough of feeling like I don't belong.  There is a fine line to not feeling like you have a place, and changing yourself to be in a place that doesn't fit you.  I have learned this lesson repeatedly...  I like that there is a word for it, because I feel like that gives it power.  Knowing there are other Baba's out there makes me feel like I am not alone in this...

4.  A bit like/unlike the author... I, too, hope that people assumed that Amy carried the baby.  However, unlike the author, I am carrying the baby.  So... if I had my wish... they would assume Amy carried the baby... but they won't say it out loud, because it isn't important enough to do so...

So...  I will start out as Baba... and if our little one takes to that name, I will gladly accept it.  If she chooses something else, and I feel comfortable with that, I may roll with that as well...  I just want to be her parent...  And I want her to know that we have a very special bond regardless of what I am called.